This photo was from a few days ago but I have such a "hello" look on my face that I thought I'd post it ;). I am actually bored right now, which is weird for me. I have no desire to watch a movie, to read a book, or to really do much of anything so you, blog, are here to keep my thoughts company I guess. After taking a total "me" day today tomorrow will be a fun filled something or other type of day with Amber. I want to see The Proposal but the only other person I know who'd enjoy it with me would be my sister. I am such a sappy romantic and love love love movies like that, and so does she. Perhaps I could coerce A. into seeing it with me tomorrow afternoon but I'm not too sure she'd enjoy it.
Obviously in my solitude today I thought a lot, and I thought about how silly and petty so many things are. I have grown up a lot over the past year or so (I'm not too sure why my 26th year was the year of the most positive growth thus far, very weird), and I have really figured out a lot. Really, all that matters to me in life is my family. Hank first, and then my parents and sister, and my friends who are my family. I know a lot of people add their career in there, but the moment we have kids I feel my number one and most important job (the job I was made for!) is to be a mom at home. But back to the topic of friends, I used to be someone who had so many friends, I loved to be around so many people. But as I've gotten older, I have really narrowed down my list of close friends to a handful. Sure, I have tons of people I care about, but in terms of people I really "let in," those are few and far between. At this point in my life I'm so focused on making my life what I want it to be, really thinking about starting our family, I have no time for anyone who isn't a loving and positive addition to my life. So that takes care of so many people who don't fit into that criteria.
Lately I've really been feeling thankful for Hank- more so than I usually do, if that's even possible. If you know me, you know I am not the biggest fan of guys in general. I cannot stand egotistical jerks who can't show their emotions or creepy dudes or pushover dudes, or un-hygenic dudes...I'm really just not so into guys, seriously. Many of them really gross me out. I dated an awful lot in high school and college and kissed a million toads (and some nice guys too...haha) before I found my prince! I never knew someone could love me, imperfect me, so much. My mind is blown almost daily by how kind and loving Hank is. I see the way he is with Madeline and it melts my heart to know that someday soon he will be the same kind of father, accepting and loving, and never too proud to do or say anything.
Life's funny. It goes by so quickly and in a blink a year has passed, two years, and then somehow I'm officially in my late 20s. I'm married. I'm a teacher. And I literally still feel 17 most of the time. I think when I'm 80 I will still feel that way, and I hope I do. I try and look at everyday in a positive way, even when it's hard. This past year has been a true nightmare for my family, between all of the health problems and complications. But we're okay. And I'm okay! I think it takes a lot more energy for me to be upset than happy. The moment I start to stress I will get anxiety and worry myself sick over whatever it is. If I can avoid that, and just look on the bright side, that's the battle for me. Instead of choosing to be upset, I can choose to be happy and disregard the rest. I am lucky to have a really great support system around me who recognizes that sometimes it is a struggle for me, and does their best to support my choice to be happy. I know in the past, people have asked me, how are you so happy all of the time? Seriously though, I'm not always happy...but I am always working to be happy, and the road to happiness is a lot better place to be than anywhere negative. I've had my fair share of depression, and feeling down- my sister has seen a lot of that in my sometimes tumultuous teenage years- but growing out of that and into a strong, positive woman has been an amazing transformation for me. It's crazy to think about how much changes from the teens, to early 20s...to this. For the past five years it's been a wonderful shift in both my life and myself, and I really love where I'm headed, and where I am now. :)
If you've read this far, thanks for reading! Have a beautiful night!
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